Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
