my phone needs a breathalizer
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I came so hard my ears popped.
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