Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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