so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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