There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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