Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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