at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
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I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
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I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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