Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
