you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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