Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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