im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
