Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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