Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
