I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
