apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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