Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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