dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
