I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
