Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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