he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
as a side note pls kill me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize