Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's official drugs can't kill me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
