used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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