remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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