Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
