i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
