we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...