but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man