Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
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i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??