i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere