Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back