i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dating After Heartbreak
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"