I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season