My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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