I just pynch a tree in the face
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize