my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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