You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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