it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
