This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
