When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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