You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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