I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize