Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
