My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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