we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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