Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
