the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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