I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
