last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
