Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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