from now on my penis is your penis
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
