I faked an abortion last night.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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