I wish I could teleport
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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