he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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