I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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