My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
