The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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