Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
