Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
either way he was missing a nipple.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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