Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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