we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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