Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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