i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
