nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
