I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
