im holly from the hills drunk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
