watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
