3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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