there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
