I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
